Hello old friend. Let me first preface this post by saying that is has nothing to do with autism. As I wrote at the top of this blog, this is a journey from despair to hope. From darkness to light. Friend, I am in darkness and I am trying desperately to cling to the Light. This is from the depths of my heart, as a response to God’s Word that I am reading this morning. If you have a few minutes to sip some tea and read, walk with me…<\/p>\n
Though I have little to no affections as of yet, I am doing this out of obedience and the love for my Lord I must believe is there, despite my access to it. The effort it takes to concentrate is almost too much to bear, and my bed beckons me to come and lie and wait for tomorrow for enough energy to love God. But that is a lie. For tomorrow will also be drained of energy for the love of God if I set my eyes on other things. Jesus commands my all. He commands me to look to Him for comfort, for peace, for hope, for rest<\/i>.<\/p>\n
Depression is an awful, tormenting master. I am not able to help my being chained to it, driven by the whip of hopelessness, devoid of any sunshine or happiness. I do not choose to be bound, I simply am. Depression is real.<\/strong><\/p>\n The absolute devastation it can bring with its shackles is real. It has taken me a while to come to this point of seeing a teensy glimpse of hope, and even longer for me to have the desire to share it with you. I have been encouraged by my dear mother and sweet friends to fill my mind with truth, even if I am numb to the Spirit. He will make me alive. My husband holds me, telling me it won’t last forever and I want to believe him, but it’s hard to trust that in the darkness of depression. So on the wisdom of others I lean, and open my Bible to Psalm 42 after a quick concordance search for “despair” since that is what I feel. The Spirit began to work, and since I process best by writing things out, I grabbed my computer finally feeling an ounce of desire to write again. May God bless the reading, hearing, and contemplation of His Word in what I will call for today, “Worship in the Darkness”.<\/strong><\/p>\n The following will be verses from Psalm 42 and my humble response to it. Feel free to add your own responses in the comments below. Worship with me, though the darkness has yet to be lifted.<\/p>\n
\n<\/a>This is not just, “I had a bad day and I’m sad about it”, this is “major depression”. It is full of frustration, guilt and shame. But it is REAL. That is why I’m writing about it right now.<\/p>\n