Whenever I run into someone I know in public, and especially when I’m somewhere that includes many people I know (such as church), the typical walk-by greeting goes something like, “Hi (name)! How are you?” The typical walk-by response is usually, “Fine, thanks. How are you?” to which the initial greeter will answer in like kind and the two parties will continue on their merry ways. This response is given pretty much regardless of how one is actually feeling, especially if how one is actually feeling is something they know the greeter has neither the time nor the desire to listen to everything one would say if they said how they were actually doing, whether positive or negative, but especially negative.
I do not care for this sugar-coated shallow exchange. I have certainly participated in such (even as the initial greeter!), but I do not care for it. It is simply not genuine and sincere. But I don’t want to dump on the poor person who is trying to be sociable by holding them hostage with my tales of woe and potential episode of tears that is sure to well up recounting my story of how I came to be caught up in such emotional wreckage. However, I also don’t want to be fake in my response, so I typically pause for a moment (sometimes I really do have to think to myself, “Self, how are you really feeling?”) before giving a truthful, yet concise answer. It’s great when I realize in that moment that, hey, things really are great, and I really AM fine! Not just fine, but I can say I’m doing well! They always seem surprised, as if I should have known this all along, but sometimes I surprise myself!
If someone were to ask me right now, “How are you doing?”, I would probably say, “Fine”. I’m not horrible, but I’m not good, and certainly not great. I would likely also add, “I’m pretty tired.” But then they would assume I had exerted some sort of physical activity, like running or biking or cleaning or working in the yard, etc, and would then ask the fatal question, “How come?” Ah, the poor soul. Little do they know what’s coming. Had they known better, they would have accepted “fine” and moved on their merry way.
By the way, I really am fine, but I really am also pretty tired. As you guessed, it is not from any amount of physical activity. I don’t believe in exercise. 🙂 Ok, I’m kidding. I do, I just don’t do it. That’s beside the point though. Where was I? Right. I am tired. I am emotionally tired. Now, the fatal question: “Why?” Well, I’ll tell you, you poor soul since you asked for it. Because…
* I’ve been crying a lot lately, and that’s just exhausting
* My son has autism, and it’s just hard to deal with all the time
* I have 2 other boys and they need me just as much as Sam
* I am constantly reminded that our life is different than what I pictured and wanted
* I have been reading and reading and researching and talking with people trying to figure out better ways to work with Sam
* The methods and techniques we use with him last only a short amount of time before we have to switch to another method or technique; therefore, it feels like nothing is working
* Sam is a screamer, and my nerves are simply shot from all the screaming, crying, and overreacting
* I keep trying to hide away, but I keep getting found
* Even though we just had a date last night, my husband and I feel distant from each other because we’re both tired
* All I can think about is autism, and anything else I try to put my mind on keeps reminding me of it
* I want to be an encouragement to other autism/special needs moms, but I feel like I’m not a very good example if I’m whining in my blog. (Although… “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”)
* I am a participant of this great thing we call “LIFE”, and autism is not the only thing in my life I am dealing with
Unfortunately, sleep does not seem to help this type of exhaustion, because when I wake up, it’s still there. Autism is still there. It will always be there. It won’t always look the way it does now, but it will still be there. I can’t erase it – and I don’t think I’d want to necessarily since it is part of my son and part of what makes him who he is. I don’t want to change him. I want to change it. I can’t fix it – I can only help him function appropriately (a word I am beginning to despise) with it, and if I were to set my sights and goals on aiming to “fix” it, I would be neglecting to accept him for who he is – my sweet son with autism who is cute, and smart and funny and quirky and cool and knows an absurd amount of information about flags and is learning an absurd amount of information about every country and culture in the world (which I am convinced will make him Jeopardy Champion one day and win an absurd amount of money) and can even recite all the countries (that he knows so far) in alphabetical order. That’s GOT to be worth something, right?
Perhaps I am struggling more with the wavering line between doing everything I can in the fight against autism to help him cope and function well and appropriately in life and just accepting him as my son with autism. He is still so young, only 6 years old, so I know that he’s not fully developed and by no means has reached his full potential. God is so not done with him yet, so I should not be either.
Therein lies the clutch. I’m just tired.
So, how are you doing? (Really??)
First off Honesty…I love honesty. I love the raw honestly of your blog, and how you just put yourself out there. It's encouraging and refreshing!
How am I…I am tired also. Sometimes phyiscally and emotionally, but almost always emotionally, and your right sleep doesn't make that tired go away. However I have never been happier and filled with more joy ( I credit Jesus). My
Hang in there, Sarah. You have folks who do love you, you have great parents, and an adopted sister who is going to miss you very much when she has to move out of MD!!! Cyber hug, sis. I feel tired too right now. But I have an end in sight. I wish I could do more for you. May God grant you some sweet reprieve and some light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Hi there, I enjoy reading all of your article post.
I like to write a little comment to support you.
you are in reality a good webmaster. The site loading speed is amazing.
It seems that you are doing any unique trick. Furthermore,
The contents are masterpiece. you have done a excellent task on this
It’s really a cool and useful piece of information. I am glad
that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this.
Thanks for sharing.
What’s up, its pleasant article on the topic of media print, we all be
familiar with media is a fantastic source of information.
This is my first time pay a visit at here and i am
genuinely pleassant to read all at one place.
Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful article. Thanks for supplying these details.
I’m excited to find this great site. I want to to thank you
for your time just for this fantastic read!! I definitely liked every part of it and I
have you bookmarked to see new things on your site.
Wow that was strange. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t
appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just
wanted to say great blog!
Hey there, I think your website might be having
browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog in Opera, it looks
fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
Other then that, wonderful blog!
I’m amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across a blog that’s equally
educative and amusing, and let me tell you, you have hit
the nail on the head. The issue is something too few people are speaking intelligently about.
Now i’m very happy I found this during my search for something regarding this.
Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and in depth information you
provide. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that
isn’t the same out of date rehashed material.
Fantastic read! I’ve saved your site and
I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.
Fastidious replies in return of this question with solid arguments and telling all on the topic of that.
Hello I am so thrilled I found your website, I really found you by error, while I was looking on Digg for something else, Nonetheless I am here now
and would just like to say kudos for a fantastic
post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I
don’t have time to go through it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so
when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the fantastic work.
If some one desires expert view concerning blogging and site-building after that i advise
him/her to pay a visit this webpage, Keep up the fastidious
This piece of writing is truly a good one it assists new web viewers, who are wishing for blogging.
whoah this blog is magnificent i really like reading your posts.
Keep up the great work! You understand, a lot of persons are hunting round for this information, you could
help them greatly.
Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get
a lot of spam feedback? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?
I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any help is
very much appreciated.
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon everyday.
It’s always exciting to read through content from other authors and practice something from other
You’ve made some good points there. I checked on the internet to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this
Hi colleagues, fastidious post and good arguments commented here, I am genuinely enjoying by these.
If you are going for best contents like myself, simply pay a quick visit
this web page everyday because it gives feature contents, thanks
Hi there colleagues, pleasant article and good urging commented here,
I am genuinely enjoying by these.
Great – I should definitely say I’m impressed with your blog. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs and related information. The site ended up being truly easy to access. Nice job.
Howdy very cool blog!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your site and take
the feeds also? I am glad to search out a lot of helpful info right here in the submit, we’d like
work out more techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing.
. . . . .
This design is steller! You most certainly know how to keep a reader entertained.
Between your wit and your videos, I was
almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job.
I really loved what you had to say, and more than that,
how you presented it. Too cool!
Hi there I am so grateful I found your website, I really found you by mistake, while I was looking on Bing for something else, Nonetheless
I am here now and would just like to say thanks
for a tremendous post and a all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have
time to browse it all at the moment but I have
bookmarked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be
back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the awesome
Hi there friends, its wonderful paragraph regarding cultureand fully explained, keep it up all the time.
Hi there i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anyplace,
when i read this article i thought i could also make comment due to this sensible post.
I feel that is one of the so much significant information for me.
And i’m happy reading your article. However want to commentary on few
basic issues, The web site style is wonderful, the articles is in point of fact great :
D. Excellent process, cheers
An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a friend who was conducting
a little homework on this. And he actually ordered me lunch simply because I found it for him…
lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!!
But yeah, thanx for spending the time to talk about this topic here on your web
Hello, tender thanks you in spite of word! I repost in Facebook
It’s very trouble-free to find out any topic on web
as compared to textbooks, as I found this paragraph at this website.
Howdy this is kind of of off topic but I was wondering
if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code
with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Fantastic goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and
you’re just extremely wonderful. I actually like what you’ve acquired here, certainly
like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it smart.
I can not wait to read far more from you. This is really a tremendous site.
Thank you for another informative web site. Where else could I am getting that type of
information written in such an ideal way? I’ve a undertaking that
I’m just now operating on, and I have been at the look out for such info.
Post writing is also a fun, if you know then you can write otherwise it
is complex to write.
I do not usually comment any forms of making money online, however today will do an exemption. Check out that affiliate program: http://bit.ly/phallomax-affiliate-program . I registered almost 4 months back and I am now smashing roughly $4000 every single month – everything by commenting on forums with my link. Ridiculously easy money that can be done literally at home. Test it out and share your earings here, so other people can see it’s real program. Regards.
Hello, tender thanks you in spite of facts! viagra boner http://viapwronline.com I repost in Facebook.
viagra without doctor prescription
Hello, thank you http://cialisxtl.com in regard to data! cialis samples request
viagra on line no prec
WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for
Wow, amazing blog format! How long have you ever been blogging for?
you make running a blog glance easy. The whole look of your web site is excellent, as well as the content!
Can I simply say what a comfort to find someone who actually
knows what they’re discussing on the net. You
certainly understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important.
More and more people must check this out and understand this side
of the story. I was surprised that you aren’t more popular because you surely have the gift.
Can Cats Take Human Amoxicillin Safe Site To Buy Cialis buy cialis Cialis Erste Einnahme Cialis Experiencia
Cialis coffee with cialis when will cialis go generic
I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This piece of writing posted at this web
page is actually fastidious.
Very good information. Lucky me I recently found your website by chance (stumbleupon).
I have saved as a favorite for later!
We’re a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our
community. Your web site offered us with valuable info
to work on. You have done a formidable task and our whole community can be grateful to you.
Fluoxetine Us Pharmacy cialis cheapest online prices Order Accutane No Prescription Secure Zentel
Cialis buy cialis daily use cialis cost
Cialis cialis pills cialis 30 day trial voucher
You ought to take part in a contest for one of the greatest sites on the web.
I will recommend this site!
Cialis cialis 30 day trial voucher liquid cialis
I know this if off topic but I’m looking
into starting my own blog and was curious what all is needed to get set up?
I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
I’m not very web smart so I’m not 100% certain. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated.
how to order generic viagra buy viagra professional online no prescription viagra for sale atlanta
buy levitra cialis viagra cheap herbal viagra uk order levitra professional oo
brand levitra cheap where to buy cialis pills cheap cialis without rx
where can i buy cialis soft tabs cialis pills south africa buy viagra from canada online
order cialis from canada liquid cialis viagra buy philippines
cheapest cialis generic cialis erection penis can i buy viagra in boots
cheap cialis from canada fastest delivery of cialis buying online cheapest pharmacy for cialis
clean thc out of system in 24 hours inpatient facility free rehab centers in florida
viagra generic name where to buy generic viagra online buy viagra boots
cialis buy london cheap viagra tablets buy levitra cheap online
Center For Alcohol And Drug Treatment Affordable Alcohol Rehab ÿþ< Drug Treatment Programs Gateway Drug Rehab
Free Suboxone Clinics Near Me Drug Counseling Near Me ÿþ< Best Inpatient Rehab Mens Rehab
Alcohol Abuse Disorder Dsm 5 Residential Alcohol Treatment ÿþ< Best Rehab Centers Near Me Court Mandated Rehab
Faith Based Rehab Near Me Substance Abuse Help Near Me ÿþ< Inpatient Rehab Facilities Near Me Program Drug Rehab
order viagra new zealand viagra buy dublin daily cialis pills
Intensive Outpatient Alcohol Treatment Non 12 Step Rehab ÿþ< Free Inpatient Drug Rehab Near Me Methadone Therapy
Substance Use & Misuse Substance Abuse In Adolescence ÿþ< Outpatient Alcohol Treatment Near Me Couples Rehab
Samhsa Substance Abuse Inpatient Substance Abuse Treatment ÿþ< Drug Rehab Clinics Near Me Inpatient Drug Rehab Centers
Outpatient Substance Abuse Program Residential Drug Treatment Programs drug rehab centers near me Alcohol Treatment Facilities Near Me Drug And Alcohol Rehabilitation Center
cialis daily cost real viagra sale viagra buy cheap
Residential Drug Treatment Centers Inpatient Alcohol Treatment Near Me drug rehab centers Kaiser Alcohol Treatment Substance Abuse Treatment
buy female cialis pills buy legal viagra cialis canada order
cheap viagra london generic viagra buy viagra cialis online canada
buy levitra 20mg levitra generic – cheap viagra for sale in the uk
buy levitra paypal cialis coupon – can you buy cialis online in australia
generic cialis cheapest price viagra without doctor prescription – viagra buy thailand
viagra cheap australia viagra without doctor prescription – order viagra thailand
Outpatient Drug And Alcohol Treatment Near Me ï»¿http://aaa-rehab.com Drug Rehab ï»¿http://aaa-rehab.com Alcohol Rehab Cost
order cialis online cialis generic – buy viagra goa
Inpatient Drug Treatment Centers ï»¿http://aaa-rehab.com Alcohol Rehab Centers ï»¿http://aaa-rehab.com Holistic Drug Rehab
where can i buy the viagra http://kaletra24.com – kaletra price buy viagra gel
buying cialis online uk http://aralenph.com – generic alaren viagra for sale
Greetings from Colorado! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to browse
your site on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the
knowledge you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home.
I’m shocked at how quick your blog loaded on my mobile
.. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, wonderful