I’m a sucker for tradition. I wore my mother’s wedding dress and veil on my wedding day and repeated the same “traditional vows” my parents did to my husband. For every family and close friends’ birthdays, we call and sing “Happy birthday” to them over the phone, even if we see them for their birthday. (Although we have admittedly not been perfect in this tradition.) My mom made my brother’s and my Christmas stockings from a pattern that she passed down to me so I could make my 3 sons’ stockings from the same pattern because I loved my stocking so much and couldn’t imagine using any other kind. Growing up, we always made fudge to eat with our egg nog as we decorated the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. The beaded angels my great-grandmother made for me were always hung on either side of the tree topper angel at the top of the tree.
Every year, my brother and I sarcastically sing the “Christmas Tumbleweed” song in honor of my father and in memory of the live tree he butchered one Christmas Eve by trimming too much off the bottom, then trying to even it out on the top… it wasn’t pretty and we ended up digging out our artificial tree that year and keeping warm by the “Christmas Tumbleweed” used for firewood. My brother and I relished in decorating the tree together with my parents after Dad put on the lights and Mom unwrapped our treasured ornaments. I’m sure things were not always as glittery and pretty and happy as I’m remembering them, but that’s how I remember Christmas. I couldn’t wait to have a family one day to reenact those perfect memories with my “perfect” children, my “perfect” husband, the “perfect” decorations and to create the “perfect” memories.
Anyone who is human knows none of this is actually attainable, whether autism is part of your world or not. Hardly anything in life really goes the way you want, or expect it to. People let you down. Circumstances disappoint, and you end up making concessions. LOTS of concessions.
“Yes, I’d like Combo #1: a large bag of ‘Not What I Was Thinking’, an iced ‘Dose of Reality’ and a snack bag of ‘SERIOUSLY?!’ with that.”
But being the pie-in-the-sky optimist that I am, Kyle dug out the Christmas tree and decorations for me when I asked him to. I bought the stuff to make the fudge. We had the glasses for the egg nog. We had the lights for the tree. And the concessions began. We had made plans to attend the National Christmas Choir concert since our friends who are in it graciously bought us tickets as a gift, but we had no sitter.
CONCESSION #1
Saturday morning, I was out toy shopping (when I had wanted to go the night before, but couldn’t.)
CONCESSION #2
I got a text from my husband saying we had a last minute sitter and to come home NOW. I had planned for that day to be our big family decorating day with fudge and egg nog. Not anymore! We went to the concert, came home and had about an hour before dinner plans with friends (thinking we would have decorated by then since we had no sitter for the concert).
CONCESSION #3
The decorations sat in our small living room, taking up all the space for a few extra days.
CONCESSION #4
Finally, we got the tree up, and Kyle went to do the lights (as my dad had always done our lights), but NONE of them worked. That’s right.
CONCESSION #5
It was late on a Tues night, and not only could we not decorate the tree, but we also had no fudge or egg nog. I had forgotten to buy the chocolate for the fudge… and the egg nog!
CONCESSION #6
The next night, Kyle stopped by the store on his way home from work, but they didn’t have lights either. *Sigh.* Finally, Friday came, and we blocked it off to make it our family decorating day… again.
CONCESSION #7
Kyle put on the lights with Ben’s help, and he got 3/4 of the way up and discovered the BRAND NEW box of lights didn’t work – and the replacement bulbs they included were the wrong size. *HEAVY SIGH*.
But no matter – the tree was up, lights were mostly on, and I was sick and tired of these boxes everywhere. So I sat down to unwrap the ornaments and hand them out to the kids to put on the tree. Joshua was the most excited, at age 4, exclaiming at every ornament he was handed, “Yay! This one is MINE!” Ben liked digging out “his” ornaments (since we each get an ornament every year to add to the collection). And Sam…. well, Sam was being Sam. Engaged in the world of Cars 2, he was scripting and playing with Lightning McQueen and Finn McMissile and Francesco. I was able to break him away a couple times to hang an ornament on the tree, which he dutifully did, but didn’t seem to get the big deal about it asking lots of questions.
And here we have CONCESSION #8.
Of all the concessions I had to make surrounding this year’s Christmas traditions, this one nagged at me the most. The fudge the kids and I made together didn’t set right, so we didn’t have it as we decorated the tree, and that was a bummer. The top of the tree is dark, but ornamented anyway, and that’s okay. The bottom of the tree is sagging because that’s where the little munchkins can reach to put ornaments on, and that’s okay too. Everything got done a week later than I desired. Oh well. But here I was, with this grand picture of family togetherness, happy kids talking and laughing together, drinking egg nog, talking about the ornaments and who made what and when, who gave that one to us when we moved into our first home, our first baby ornaments, etc… and everything was different because one member of the family couldn’t participate the way I wanted him to.
I think that as parents, we have a lot of letting go to do with our kids. As they get older, we loosen our grip a little more (against our nature to grab a stronger hold) giving them more freedoms, and maybe letting go of our expectations they didn’t meet because they either didn’t want to, or couldn’t. I didn’t cry, and I didn’t get mad. I just let go. My heart was sad because I know that with all this sensory overload and chaos in what we consider “normal” family traditions, I have a son who is going to experience it differently than we do, and because he experiences it differently, so do we, against our wishes and/or expectations. It’s not wrong. It’s just different.
This year has certainly taught me a lot about tradition. Tradition may be what has always been and following in that to keep it the same. But it’s also what you make it to be from here on out. Christmas doesn’t have to look like my childhood – and it won’t! It can’t because we don’t live in my childhood. We live here, in the present – with 3 rambunctious boys, 1 with autism. The present is different from the past. Some things may stay the same – I’ll still make fudge at Christmastime and buy egg nog. We’ll still decorate the tree and hang the homemade stockings and buy new ornaments. But I’m learning not to care so much about the things of tradition. As long as I have my family, and we’re together, that’s all the tradition I need.
Aw, I have a hard time giving up my traditions too. Actually, I have a hard time with Christmas as an adult because I want to do it as a child again, with no responsibilities and no clean-up.
Here's to our 'traditions' as they come and what our kids will remember and want to cling to themselves!!!! See you Christmas Eve!! Thank you again for sharing your family with us!
It’s so hard to make those concessions sometimes. But from what my adult children say, their favorite traditions are things we didn’t mean to make traditions. Mostly, they’re just glad we were together every Christmas.
What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve discovered
It absolutely useful and it has helped me out loads. I am hoping
to contribute & aid different customers like its aided me.
Great job.
A person necessarily lend a hand to make severely
articles I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your web
page and up to now? I amazed with the analysis you
made to make this particular post amazing. Fantastic job!
Valuable information. Lucky me I found your site accidentally, and I am stunned why this accident didn’t came about in advance!
I bookmarked it.
Having read this I believed it was very enlightening.
I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this article together.
I once again find myself spending a lot of time both reading
and posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!
Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! By the way,
how can we communicate?
We are a gaggle of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
Your website provided us with helpful info to work on. You’ve done an impressive process and our
entire community will likely be thankful to you.
My family members every time say that I am
wasting my time here at net, however I know
I am getting know-how all the time by reading thes pleasant articles.
Sweet blog! I found it while surfing around on Yahoo News.
Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
Thank you
Quality articles or reviews is the key to attract the viewers to go to see
the web site, that’s what this web page is providing.
I have read several good stuff here. Definitely value bookmarking for revisiting.
I wonder how a lot effort you put to make any such excellent informative web site.
These are actually great ideas in on the topic of blogging.
You have touched some fastidious points here. Any way keep
up wrinting.
Thanks in favor of sharing such a good thinking, paragraph
is pleasant, thats why i have read it fully
At this time I am ready to do my breakfast, once having my breakfast coming
over again to read further news.
whoah this blog is great i like reading your posts.
Stay up the good work! You understand, many individuals are
looking around for this info, you can aid them greatly.
The other day, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop,
just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!
Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your
webpage? My blog is in the very same area of interest
as yours and my users would really benefit from a lot of the information you provide here.
Please let me know if this okay with you. Thanks a lot!
Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I’ve truly enjoyed browsing your
blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!
If some one wants expert view about blogging
then i propose him/her to pay a quick visit this blog,
Keep up the good work.
Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles?
I mean, what you say is important and all. But think of if you
added some great pictures or video clips to give your posts more,
“pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and videos, this website could undeniably be
one of the very best in its niche. Great blog!
Wow, this piece of writing is nice, my younger sister is analyzing such things, so I am going to tell her.
I read this article fully about the difference of newest and preceding technologies, it’s awesome article.
Whats up this is kind of of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to
manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding know-how so I wanted to
get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!
When someone writes an piece of writing he/she retains the thought of a user
in his/her brain that how a user can understand it.
Therefore that’s why this article is amazing.
Thanks!
With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of
plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of completely unique
content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up
all over the internet without my permission. Do you know any ways to help stop content from being stolen? I’d genuinely appreciate it.
I every time spent my half an hour to read this webpage’s content everyday along with a mug of coffee.
This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which
helped me. Kudos!
Hello, blame you for information! I repost in Facebook
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your next write
ups thank you once again.
Keep this going please, great job!
I do agree with all of the ideas you’ve offered to your post.
They are very convincing and can certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are
very quick for novices. Could you please prolong them a
bit from next time? Thanks for the post.
Hello, thank you in spite of facts! side effects for viagra http://viapwronline.com I repost in Facebook.
generic viagra 100mg
My relatives every time say that I am wasting my time here
at net, except I know I am getting experience everyday by reading thes pleasant articles or reviews.
Superb post however , I was wondering if you could write a litte more
on this subject? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate
a little bit further. Appreciate it!
Hello, row-boat thanks you http://cialisxtl.com allowing for regarding word! cialis dosage 40 mg dangerous
viagra without doctor prescription
Good article! We will be linking to this great article on our site.
Keep up the great writing.
Cialis best liquid cialis cialis prices 20mg
Hello! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok.
I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.
Heya! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new apple iphone!
Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts!
Keep up the excellent work!
Excellent weblog right here! Also your web site lots up very fast!
What host are you the use of? Can I get your affiliate hyperlink in your host?
I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol
Cialis samples of cialis cialis discount card
Cialis canadian viagra cialis coupons for cialis
Muchos Gracias for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Great.
I used to be recommended this blog through my cousin. I am not positive whether or not this post is written by him
as nobody else realize such unique approximately my difficulty.
You are incredible! Thanks!
Cialis the effects of cialis on women current cost of cialis 5mg cvs
whoah this weblog is magnificent i like studying your articles.
Stay up the great work! You recognize, lots of persons are searching around for this info, you can aid
them greatly.
cheap cialis india buy cialis online with mastercard where to purchase cialis cheap
buy cialis using paypal cheap viagra online canada buy cialis brand online
cialis 20 mg tablets uk viagra on the cheap can you buy viagra in dubai
buy viagra manchester red viagra pills cheapest 20 mg cialis
buy cialis pattaya generic cialis at walgreens pharmacy viagra buy durban
buy cialis online for cheap generic for cialis cialis viagra sale canada
buy levitra from germany canada cialis cheap generic viagra uk online
best place to order cialis legal order viagra online cialis super active 20mg pills
buy cialis uk no prescription buy cialis next day delivery order generic viagra no prescription
generic cialis cheapest price cheap viagra tablets uk viagra buy online
where can i buy viagra in la buy generic cialis usa order viagra phone
safe place to buy levitra viagra cheap viagra and cialis
cheap cialis with no prescription cheap viagra levitra buy canada
order cialis mexico cialis 20 mg best price – order cialis mexico
viagra super active+ 100mg pills levitra generic – cialis where to buy – malaysia
buy cheap cialis australia viagra pills – genuine cialis sale
where can i buy levitra online viagra without a doctor prescription – buy viagra over counter uk
buy cialis no prescription mastercard levitra – buy cialis next day delivery
Outpatient Drug And Alcohol Treatment http://aaa-rehab.com Drug Rehab Near Me http://aaa-rehab.com Methadone Treatment
http://aaa-rehab.com
п»їbuy viagra russia http://alexa24ph.com – viagra pills cheap viagra tesco
buy viagra las vegas http://kaletra24.com – Ritonavir when will cialis be generic
It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
I have read this post and if I could I want to suggest you some
interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you can write next
articles referring to this article. I want to read more things about it!
Hello, I enjoy reading through your article post. I like
to write a little comment to support you.
buy levitra generic online http://tadal24ph.com – cialis cialis tadalafil 20mg tablets