Flaming Hoops, Hope, and the Perpetually Dangling Carrot

Sarah Broady
February 4, 2023

For the past year, I have been working closely with a particular therapy company that I found in one of my many Google searches, they seemed to be a glimmering oasis. We had been searching for someone who took our insurance, provided in-home ABA therapy, AND serviced our area. The first time I called, the director herself answered the phone. They fit all the criteria we needed. I was very impressed with the level of personal attention more than one person paid to our family as we began the initial intake process. Now we were getting somewhere.

Our process was delayed when I found out that although they had applied to be a Medicaid provider, they were not yet approved. Hopefully it would go through in another month or two. A couple months later, they had more hoops to jump through with insurance to get approved. I wrote a blog post about how I literally spent several hours on the phone with insurance people myself trying to find a way to get this therapy covered. It seemed there was a certain code that we could use, but another month later, we found out that insurance was just not going to pan out. The only way to get this therapy was to pay for it out of pocket. And that was definitely not an option for our family.

Thus began the search for grant money to cover ABA. I don’t know if you have ever tried to apply for a grant, but they are not simple pages to sign – well, they are, but they require much more than your name and signature. All kinds of proofs are needed – and rightly so – to make sure they are giving their money to the right people who are truly in need and have no other recourse. And so the paperwork began. We applied for a $5000, $3000, and two $1000 grants starting back in April through July. Two of them are only open to accepting applications during one or more certain months of the year. Another is only open as funds are available. The other was a random grant I found online. So far, the two biggies were denied. $8000 ($5K + $3K) was going to fund more than an entire year of in-home ABA therapy, and we didn’t get either one. The $5K grant was denied first, but apparently they review your application for one more quarter if you are denied the first time. We have another month to wait to hear if we got it this time or not. The $3K grant was a first-come, first-serve grant that we did receive last year, but unprecedented numbers turned out this year and the entire county (5 branches) ran out of funds on the SECOND DAY the grant was open to receive applications. The two smaller grants are still in question.

So for the past year, I have been jumping every hurdle and bounding through every flaming hoop set in my path pursuing the perpetually dangling carrot ever before me, just barely out of reach. At first, all we needed was for insurance to approve the company. But it turns out that wasn’t enough. Then I needed to follow all the rules to apply for grants. Done. Then I had to wait for the results. Denied.

Enter Matt. Matt is my little brother who’s not quite so little anymore (since he’s a grown-up now and not a little kid). He’s got a great job, just moved into his own house without roommates and travels the world. Because he can. He’s an awesome photographer but not by trade. He’s just really good (see below). And his camera is seriously cool. He feeds my tea obsession by bringing me tea spoons from the different countries he’s visited. He treats us to seats at the baseball games because he’s got season tickets and likes to share. He’s a pretty incredible chef and the pictures he posts on Facebook really do taste as good as they look (remember – good photographer!). He plays Legos with his nephews and brings them gifts from afar too. He’s a pretty awesome brother, and all-around guy and I love him very much. But I can beat him every time in a pillow fight and ping pong. (Challenge extended.)

Matt also has a huge heart. When I found out our application for the second largest grant was denied, I was so frustrated and a little bit crushed. Foolishly, I had counted on that money because of our experience last year. I heard about the grant late in the month and we still got it even though it was first-come, first-serve. This year, I sent in the application the very first day it was allowed to be mailed (very strict rules!) and figured there was no way $5.2 million dollars could possibly be exhausted all at once. I was wrong. I posted about it on FB to share with my many friends in other states who have been praying for us. Okay, I was publicly lamenting. When Matt read it, he started to think that maybe he could help. He had some concerns in offering – what he could do might not be enough to make it worthwhile, etc. But he offered anyway. I was so overcome with thankfulness and shock that I couldn’t say anything other than “thank you” through my tears. He was so matter-of-fact about it too. If he could help, then of course he would because he wanted to. What a blessing!

Excitedly, I e-mailed my “people” at the therapy company right away. The billing person was out of the country, so I had to wait to hear back. In the meantime, I could rest because the last puzzle piece was finally in place. This whole time, all we needed was the funding. Insurance didn’t work. Grants didn’t work. But now… now we had something in place and all we had to do was get it on the schedule. And then the carrot was jerked away yet again. Due to demand, there is now a wait list in place. They are hiring more staff who have to be fully trained before beginning any new clients. It will be a few weeks, and maybe not even until October before we can start. The silver lining is that we are at the top of the list, so that is reassuring.

Ugh! I had gotten my hopes up once again, so happy to be able to start therapy when school began so we could kick off on the right foot this year and deal with the whole summer-to- school transition right from the start. And now… another undetermined amount of wait time.

My human nature cries out. How can this be? It seemed as if the Lord had gift-wrapped exactly what we needed and held it out to us but just as we reached out to take it, He pulled it back from us. Why would He purposefully bless us, then not allow us to use that blessing? Why can’t anything ever just be easy for once?

Yes, I know His timing is the best. Yes, I know He is working for our good and His glory. But it can be so hard to accept that when all of a sudden, a plan that seemed solid as stone goes awry. I want to conform: Not my will, but Yours be done. My mind argues back: But what ARE You doing?!

I don’t want to complain against the hand of God. But my own nature can do little else. I don’t know how long this wait is going to be. It’s already been a year, broken up into smaller chunks of time for various things. Why did He give us what we need if we can’t even use it now? Perhaps so it will be ready when it’s time? I don’t know when that is – or really IF it ever will be.

One reason might be just to keep me close. A reminder not to run to God like He’s Santa Claus. Love Him for who He is – Father, Redeemer, Savior, lover of my soul. Not for what He gives me – comfort, money, therapy… Yes, it’s okay to take joy in His gifts and to glorify Him in all things. But to only love Him and praise Him when He gives us what we want is not true love. If Sam never received this precious in-home ABA therapy, would I still truly love God and continue to follow Him despite never having what I think my son needs? Despite the discouragement and confusion that might come from that, I still say yes, I will follow Him. Because deep down I know that He is caring and providing for Sam in ways I cannot fathom. I have to trust that. Otherwise, I’m being disobedient to the Lord. Distrust = disobedience. God commands us to trust Him. If we don’t trust Him, we don’t really believe He is who He says He is. As my mother says, “Either you believe Him, or you don’t.”

The carrot still dangles in front of me. But I believe the carrot is already mine. I just don’t have it yet. It might not be what I think it is – it might not be in-home ABA therapy. Whatever it is though, I have to trust that it will be better than my ideas. Not only better, but the best! Lord, help my unbelief and help me – cause me – to trust in You.

And Matty, if you’re reading this, you’re the best brother ever. Not because of your gifts, but because of you. Thank you for your desire to help; thank you for even just offering, and giving of yourself for Samuel. I love you.

Matty’s work:

His favorite building. The Chrysler.
Sacre-Couer, from Bd des Batignolles in the morning

NY City
Paris, France

St. Paul’s, London, England

Stonehenge
Roast and veggies. AKA Delicious.

Meet Sarah

Sarah is a wife and mother to three sons, one of whom has autism. She is a writer, speaker, and produce and host of A Special Hope Podcast.

Podcast

Listen Now

Discovering special hope in the stories of those living with special needs, those who strive to minister to special needs families, and the God who is making all things new. Available here, or anywhere you podcast.


If you are enjoying this site and the podcast, please consider a donation of any size to contribute to the costs associated with running a website and a podcast. Any and all gifts are greatly appreciated!

More From This Category

Easter Episode: Redeeming Love by Anne Steele

Easter Episode: Redeeming Love by Anne Steele

Sarah talks through the hope of Easter with a reading of Anne Steele’s poem, Redeeming Love. Easter might look different this year, but we can still celebrate the Resurrection of Christ, all things new, and the hope of glory.

read more

88 Comments

88 Comments

  1. Kay

    Wow, Matt is good, and you can tell him that!!

  2. Jennifer

    Such an encouraging post – well, the end. There's nothing inherently encouraging about grants and insurance! But I love your heart. Amen. We praise Him in the calm and in the storm. Thanks for putting your faith where your mouth is. (or something like that). 馃檪 hugs.

  3. Jerod and Leah Garland

    Enjoyed reading this post! And Matt is definitely the kind of uncle I hope to be! Thanks for sharing your thoughts–we enjoyed reading them!

  4. tinyurl.com

    Hey! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?

    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any tips?

  5. http://tinyurl.com

    I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your blog.
    It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a
    developer to create your theme? Outstanding work!

  6. why coconut oil

    Hi there, I found your web site by way of Google even as searching
    for a comparable topic, your web site came up, it looks great.
    I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hi there, simply changed into alert to your weblog through Google, and found that it’s really informative.
    I am going to be careful for brussels. I will be grateful in the event
    you continue this in future. Many folks might be benefited from your writing.

    Cheers!

  7. plenty of fish dating site

    After exploring a number of the articles on your blog, I honestly
    appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I bookmarked it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future.
    Please visit my website as well and tell me what you think.

  8. ps4 games

    Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.

    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say great blog!

  9. quest bars cheap

    Great blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What web host are
    you using? Can I get your associate hyperlink in your host?
    I desire my website loaded up as fast as
    yours lol

  10. quest bars cheap

    I will immediately grab your rss feed as I can not in finding your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Kindly let me recognise so that
    I could subscribe. Thanks.

  11. quest bars cheap

    An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who has been conducting a
    little homework on this. And he actually bought me dinner
    simply because I found it for him… lol. So allow me to reword
    this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending some time to
    talk about this matter here on your internet site.

  12. quest bars cheap coupon twitter

    Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to
    assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Any way I’ll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently fast.

  13. quest bars cheap coupon twitter

    Helpful info. Fortunate me I found your site by accident, and I
    am surprised why this coincidence did not happened in advance!
    I bookmarked it.

  14. quest bars cheap

    If you desire to get much from this article then you have to apply these strategies to
    your won weblog.

  15. ps4 games

    Wonderful site. Lots of useful information here.
    I am sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious.
    And of course, thank you on your effort!

  16. ps4 games

    Hello there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay.
    I’m definitely enjoying your blog and look
    forward to new posts.

  17. ps4 games

    I’d like to find out more? I’d care to find out some additional information.

  18. ps4 games

    Good blog you’ve got here.. It’s hard to find good quality writing like
    yours nowadays. I truly appreciate individuals like you!

    Take care!!

  19. quest bars cheap

    I was excited to uncover this page. I want to to thank you for
    ones time just for this wonderful read!! I definitely liked every bit of it and i also
    have you saved as a favorite to look at new things
    in your web site.

  20. quest bars cheap

    Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using?

    I’m going to start my own blog in the near future but
    I’m having a difficult time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S Sorry for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

  21. quest bars cheap

    When I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new
    comments are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added
    I receive 4 emails with the exact same comment.
    Is there a means you can remove me from that service? Kudos!

  22. ps4 games

    Undeniably believe that which you stated. Your
    favorite justification appeared to be on the web the easiest thing
    to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people
    think about worries that they just do not know
    about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined
    out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal.
    Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

  23. ps4 games

    I think this is one of the most vital info for me.
    And i’m glad reading your article. But should remark on some general things, The web site style is wonderful,
    the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers

  24. ps4 games

    Awesome things here. I am very satisfied to
    see your post. Thanks so much and I’m looking forward to contact you.
    Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  25. coconut oil

    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied
    on the video to make your point. You obviously know
    what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence
    on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something informative to read?

  26. coconut oil

    It’s awesome designed for me to have a website, which is
    valuable for my knowledge. thanks admin

  27. Typicalcat67

    Good web site you have here.. It鈥檚 hard to find good quality writing like yours nowadays. I seriously appreciate people like you! Take care!!

  28. how to get help in windows 10

    I read this post completely on the topic of the difference of newest and preceding
    technologies, it’s awesome article.

  29. match.com free trial

    Greetings from California! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided
    to browse your site on my iphone during lunch break.

    I really like the info you provide here and
    can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m surprised at how fast your blog
    loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G ..
    Anyhow, great blog!

  30. asksylphoflight

    Wow, marvelous blog layout! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for?
    you make blogging glance easy. The total glance of your website is excellent,
    let alone the content!

  31. sling tv

    Hello, this weekend is pleasant in favor of me, because this point in time i am reading this enormous informative piece of writing here at my home.

  32. match.com free trial

    Attractive section of content. I simply stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to
    assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your weblog posts.
    Anyway I’ll be subscribing for your feeds or even I fulfillment you access constantly rapidly.

  33. tinyurl.com

    Yes! Finally someone writes about sling tv.

  34. sling tv

    Hey! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after browsing through some of
    the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found
    it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

  35. sling tv

    Awesome blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my
    blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your
    theme. Bless you

  36. EverettNoB

    Hello, blame you in spite of tidings! viagra substitute http://viapwronline.com I repost in Facebook.
    viagra cost per pill

  37. PeterMub

    Hello, row-boat thanks you http://cialisxtl.com for oath! cialis vs viagra
    viagra dosage

  38. sling tv

    Very shortly this website will be famous amid all blog visitors, due to it’s fastidious posts

  39. sling tv

    I was able to find good info from your blog articles.

  40. LesFloorn

    Se Puede Comprar Cialis Generico Free Levitra.Com Buy Cialis How Many Mg Of Viagra Should I Take Super Silagra

  41. sling tv

    Very energetic article, I enjoyed that bit. Will there be a part 2?

  42. Matopet

    De Amoxil Amoxil Po De Suite Jessicas Center Progresso Mexico Shipped Ups Worldwide Stendra Discount From Canada Buy Cialis Can I Purchase Discount Bentyl In Internet Tab Zithromax Medicine

  43. sling tv

    A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. I do believe that you need to write more about this topic, it might
    not be a taboo subject but generally people don’t speak about such issues.
    To the next! Cheers!!

  44. sling tv

    Unquestionably believe that which you stated.

    Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of.

    I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they plainly do not know about.

    You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole
    thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal.
    Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

  45. WayneVix

    Cialis cost of cialis viagra vs cialis

  46. sling tv best package 2020

    Amazing blog! Is your theme custom made or did
    you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple adjustements
    would really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you
    got your design. Appreciate it

  47. WayneVix

    Cialis cialis or viagra generic cialis black 800mg

  48. RobertBok

    canadian pharmacy cialis 20mg viagra sale cheap buy viagra super active online

  49. DeabKapy

    buy cialis no prescription uk what is cialis used for cialis buy toronto

  50. DeabKapy

    viagra sale durban warnings for cialis order viagra from canada

  51. Va Drug Rehab

    Outpatient Substance Abuse Near Me Drug & Alcohol Treatment Centers 每镁< Alcohol Rehabilitation Facilities Suboxone Program
    每镁h

  52. Adderall Rehab

    Gateway Drug Rehab Substance Abuse Prevention And Treatment Program 每镁< Faith Based Rehab Near Me Free Drug And Alcohol Rehabilitation Centers
    每镁h

  53. Alcohol Therapy

    Free Inpatient Rehab The Best Alcohol Rehab Centers 每镁< Free Alcohol Rehab Faith Based Rehab Near Me
    每镁h

  54. Outpatient Alcohol Programs

    Residential Alcohol Treatment Alcohol Programs Near Me 每镁< Residential Drug Treatment Free Alcohol Rehab
    每镁h

  55. Drug Rehab For Women

    Dot Substance Abuse Professional Alcohol Rehabilitation Facilities 每镁< Drug Treatment Programs Luxury Drug Rehab
    每镁h

  56. Will Lightning

    Thank you a lot for providing individuals with a very spectacular possibility to read critical reviews from this site.

  57. Free Inpatient Drug Rehab Centers

    Youth Substance Abuse Luxury Drug Rehab 每镁< Heroin Treatment Free Inpatient Drug Rehab Centers Near Me
    每镁h

  58. Residential Drug Treatment Programs

    Inpatient Drug Rehabilitation Centers Near Me 12 Step Rehab 每镁< Suboxone Treatment Centers Drug Treatment Programs Near Me
    每镁h

  59. drug rehab

    Center For Alcohol And Drug Treatment Opioid Rehab Near Me alcohol rehab centers Meth Rehab Substance Abuse Prevention Institute
    每镁h

  60. drug rehab

    Mens Rehab Inpatient Drug Rehab Facilities drug rehab centers Inpatient Substance Abuse Treatment Near Me Substance Abuse Powerpoint
    每镁h

  61. DeabKapy

    cheap cialis brand viagra online buy cialis prescription

  62. DeabKapy

    cheapest price on levitra levitra prices – order cialis us

  63. DeabKapy

    where can i buy viagra in las vegas cialis – buy viagra turkey

  64. DeabKapy

    buy viagra dhaka generic viagra 100mg – levitra buy generic

  65. DeabKapy

    order levitra generic cialis – viagra jelly for sale in uk

  66. DeabKapy

    cheap viagra safe levitra – buy viagra kamagra

  67. Drug Rehab For Young Adults

    Genesis Drug Rehab 茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com Drug Rehab Centers Near Me 茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com Free Faith Based Rehab
    茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com

  68. Drug And Alcohol Inpatient Rehab Near Me

    Alcohol Rehab Programs Near Me 茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com Drug Rehab Centers 茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com Alcohol Group Therapy
    茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com

  69. DeabKapy

    cheap viagra pills uk http://aralenph.com – alaren price purchase cheap cialis soft tabs

  70. Rehab Treatment

    Long Term Drug Rehab Near Me 茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com Alcohol Rehab Near Me 茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com Substance Abuse And Domestic Violence
    茂禄驴http://aaa-rehab.com

  71. DeabKapy

    buy viagra from pfizer http://tadal24ph.com – tadalafil cialis cheap online pharmacy

  72. cbd oil that works 2020

    Good way of describing, and pleasant piece of writing to get data concerning my presentation focus,
    which i am going to convey in school.

  73. dewapoker.link

    I’d like to find out more? I’d care to find out more details.

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This